Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Unwritten man codes volume 2

Greetings dear reader. It's been a while and I have missed you. I have again decided to educate you on unwritten man codes. I have already given you the rudiments of manly decorum (unwritten man codes volume 1). If you haven’t read that article yet, I suggest that you do so now before you cause any further deterioration to your manly dignity. Today I’m going to give you some of the more advanced techniques practiced by jedimasters in the field of manliness.
As is the case with my other guides, this isn’t just senseless blabbering. You’ll actually learn from this so read on.

On staring at women: Have you ever met a guy who seems exceedingly hard to impress? You point his attention to a particularly eye-catching woman and he tells you “bleh”? Did you look upon him with awe? Well you should for he is proficient in the advanced techniques of manly discretion.

A curious acquaintance asked me once: “Are you gay? Why don't you gawk at uber hot chicks?”. he was obviously unschooled in the unwritten codes for he gawks and hoots at any attractive girl who passes his way. I do not do such things for i am a gentleman and i am quite proficient, dare i say masterful, in the ancient arts of ninja-like discretion. I would’ve given him an elbow to the face for questioning my masculinity but he was a noob so he was forgiven.

Whenever you feel the urge to look at an attractive woman, discretion must be exercised so as not to appear inexperienced or easily impressed. You may use advanced head swivel techniques or feign interest in something behind the actual subject of interest.

Remember that evolution gave you peripheral vision for a reason and that is to appreciate the finer qualities of the opposite sex without getting hit by a handbag.
Even if you’re beside Jessica Biel herself, you should never act like a giddy, easily excitable pubescent noob.

Easily excitable noob

Don’t use smilies: Don’t get me wrong. Smilies serve an important purpose in electronic conversations. I use them a lot when I communicate with women, almost too often sometimes actually. It gives your conversation a less serious vibe. It’s also a quick and easy response whenever your wit fails you.

Utilization of smilies when communicating with other men must be held to a minimum. If you really must stress that you’re just kidding then call him gay and add a profane word or two. He should very quickly understand that you’re in a jovial mood.

When communicating with other men, one must exude an aura of dignity and respectability and that’s hard to achieve when there’s a cute little smiley face at the end of each of your sentences.
“Cute” is a very iffy term for manly men.When a female calls you cute, you may take it as a compliment. Promptly thank her for her gracious remark. It would also be prudent to return the compliment and ask her for her number for you may be on to something, young lad.

If another man calls you “cute”, consider it a most atrocious insult to your manly dignity! Don’t let him leave the general vicinity without a broken nose.
Did I veer off? Let me get back to the point. Men should only use smilies when talking to the opposite sex
not the kind of image you want to project to other men

Your manly dignity is directly proportional to your name: Pet names are for cute little puppies not for manly men. Don’t let any guy give you just any nickname that he wants. Next time another man calls you bugoy, consider it an insult to your manly dignity. Refer to previous articles on how to defend your manly dignity using your elbows. Your name should exude respectability. It should sound heroic like Jaywalker, Alexander or Batman bin Suparman
awesomest name evar

Be a bit rude: I consider myself a gentleman and I don’t resort to undiplomatic modes of communication unless my manly dignity is insulted by another man, in which case I go berserk with my elbows. Being diplomatic doesn’t mean being goody-two-shoes-y though. Nothing says wimp more than an ass kissing, submissive sissy boy. Learn to traverse the thin line between offensive and funny and feel free to cross it occasionally. If anyone takes offence, you may go berserk with your elbows

when communicating with other men, never go overboard with the pleasantries

That's it for today. You will want to watch out for unwritten man codes volume 3 if you want to further your education and become a man worthy of godly adulation

tags: funny pictures, batman bin suparman, manly tips, smilies, puff diddy, jessica biel, weird names

Read More......