Monday, April 21, 2008

Of dignity and men

If there is one thing that a self respecting, properly bred man should hold on to to the utmost of his ability, it’s his dignity. It’s the invisible currency by which men judge each others’ worth. Some men naturally have more dignity than others. Some don’t have any at all to speak of. Dignity is a commodity that may be lost or gained in a lot of ways

A man may gain dignity by shrewdly asserting his superiority over other men, preferably in public. He may also gain dignity by acquiring a superior specimen of the female species and then brandishing her about to his friends. A man would most definitely gain dignity by acquiring an expensive car, preferably a convertible where his female could be displayed more effectively.

The disintegration of manly dignity may may be attributed to different factors. Mostly, it's accidental in nature, sometimes it's consciously self-inflicted. The form of disintegration of dignity that I’ll be discussing at length here, is the form which is brought about by “external factors” –That is, other men. Men have different defense mechanisms when they feel that their dignity is being threatened. Some resort to juvenile name calling, some try to defend their dignity by publicly feeding their ego and some just do it the old fashioned way, through brute force. I shall explore these defense mechanisms in greater detail for your education. As is the case with my other articles, this isn’t just senseless blabbering. You’ll actually learn from this article, people, so read on

wimps have no dignity
Wimps such as the one pictured above, naturally lack manly dignity and should not be seen in manly sporting events or anywhere within the sight of the general public

1.) Name calling: In any argument in a civilized setting, verbal callousness is generally frowned upon. If you blatantly call someone “dim-witted” and you have nothing to support your case …and you’re talking to a girl, not only will people think of you as intellectually unsophisticated but probably lacking in breeding as well (see comments on the article atheism vs agnosticism for examples)

Unbeknownst to the common man, there is actually an art to insulting people without making yourself look dumber than the person you’re insulting. Diplomacy can be used as a weapon but it takes skill to wield, young padawan. So read and learn. Indirect attacks powered by wit and sarcasm are the equivalent of a clean jedimaster double lightsaber swoop in the world of higher argumentation. Instead of saying “you’re dumb”, you may say something like: “Your argument formulation and Your propensity for juvenile, invective comments fondly remind me of my arguments with my adorable 5 yr old little brother" .…or something similar. Just make sure that that the words you choose should be such that your adversary won’t understand anything.

Make sure that you posses more wit and charm than your adversary before going this route otherwise, things may horribly backfire. Ego Bruising caused by witty verbal attacks take a lot longer to heal than bruising caused by even the manliest of sucker punches. I mean how many people take on chris rock publicly?

2.) Ego preservation: certain men may feel that they should prioritize defending their ego more than attacking their opponent’s. These men therefore shamelessly feed their ego in public with complements that only make sense to them. Unless you have humor in mind, it is highly inadvisable that you flatter yourself in any serious manly argument.Wait for the other guy to lay the seeds for self-flattery himself. Don’t say “my IQ score happens to be 127”. Wait for him to ask what your IQ is first. Self flattery in a verbal fight can make you look a little pathetic.

self flattery

to understand the humor, refer to one of my previous articles

3.) Brute force: When a man’s wit just isn’t sufficient to defend his dignity, he usually resorts to measures that are more physical in nature. Like verbal argumentation, physical argumentation should also be done with finesse. The initiator of a fist fight would always be looked upon by the learned crowd as brutish and uncivilized. Therefore you must know how to subtly manipulate things so you’d look like the good guy with a good cause. A good, strongly worded one liner of an opening move delivered in a tone faintly reminiscent of a line in a Shakespearean play may be necessary. “What!? I’m a son of a bitch eh? I will not stand Idly by while you insult the honor of my mother!! I shall now proceed to beat you to a bloody pulp”

One must not engage in a fist fight without knowing the proper fighting form. That is, with both fists up, torso erect and head facing towards the enemy. This is not just so you may fight more effectively but also so you will not look wimpish in front of the growing crowd of gawkers who will obviously cheer for the fighter with the better form. If the brawl isn’t going in your favor, let the crowd step in a little bit. Give them enough room to restrain both you and your adversary ...of course you must protest a little bit “don’t stop me he insulted my mother!!!”

It’s a pitiful sight When a man’s dignity disintegrates before his eyes and he can’t do anything about it. So remember, if the ego is threatened by a competing ego, defense and crafty offense are always necessary. Of course self-inflicted disintegration of manly dignity is slightly harder to correct

ugh!! Dignity disintegrating ….must pretend nothing happened …


Anonymous said...

I think that the guy in the first picture is mentally disabled. Not funny to laugh at him.

jaywalker said...

That's a very mean observation sir. Just because someone is a wimp, ugly and lacks manly dignity, it doesn't mean that he's mentally disabled.